My Journey to Coaching

Two years ago, I made a wild decision. I quit my private equity job… For nothing. No next job. No prospects. I remember looking in the mirror thinking: “Who is this person and what did she do with Nicole?”

Historically, this decision wasn’t *me*. I was born in DC to Korean immigrant parents who worked tirelessly to give me the life they never had. But I lived in constant fear that I wouldn’t live up to their lofty expectations. My parents taught me the equation: “happiness = financial success”. Anything less = failure.

I chased that equation hard. I worked at some of the most prestigious finance institutions. At my last private equity job, I was promoted to Vice President. I had financial success… But where was the happiness?

My happy moments were too often cut short by stress, anxiety, fear, self-doubt and exhaustion. With every achievement, the elation was quickly replaced by emptiness and confusion, wondering when the elusive feeling of true accomplishment is finally going to come. “Free” nights and weekends were restless, silently stressing over work issues when surrounded by loved ones. Things that used to be enjoyable didn’t feel so enjoyable anymore.

I was constantly beating myself up over everything. When the model didn’t tie to the deck. When I didn’t communicate perfectly. When I didn’t know how to do something new - it seemed so “common sense” to everyone else. When I snapped at my boyfriend over something small. When I hurt someone by choosing work over them.

My mind was cloudy. My body was exhausted. My fuse was short. I tried so hard to succeed in work and life and was still disappointed with my results. I knew I could do better, but I didn’t know how - and I was too busy and exhausted to figure it out. It felt like there was no way out.

When I finally had time to reflect, I had an existential crisis. My life had been fueled by fear. I mistook my chase for approval and security for intrinsic ambition and drive. My identity was crumbling down into this unambitious, worthless blob.

I was torn between the security of a well-trodden path and the desire to discover what made me tick. In response, my inner critic was loud. “Get off the ladder?! No one will respect you. You have no passions. You’re going to be broke. Stay the course!”

But I also heard a distant, faint voice, and no less terrifying: “Who. Are. You?!?!”.

I had no idea. But if nothing changed, I never would.

I had to shake things up. I quit my job.

The few months that followed were unsettling. From binge watching Netflix to pretending to read books to lounging around doing nothing, my inner critic kept insisting that the “true me” was passionless and lazy.

I eventually felt a deep spark: mindfulness. The more I learned, the more my initial skepticism faded away, replaced with curiosity and intrigue. Mindfulness practices showed me how I had created my own prison through my negative internal dialogue. It also gave me strategies to break myself out. I noticed the constant buzzing anxiety begin to subside, replaced by clarity, trust, satisfaction and peace.

It was the week-long silent meditation retreat that changed my life. I left the retreat with conviction around my new life mission: helping others break free of their own self-created prisons.

Enter executive coaching.

Coaching allows me to fuse my background on Wall Street with robust training and research-backed practices from mindfulness, resilience, performance, psychology and neuroscience.

Everything I’ve learned isn’t rocket science. It just takes commitment, consistency and the will to want to thrive, versus settle or survive. I sometimes wonder what my finance career would have been like if I knew then what I know now. How much more calm and joy I could have accessed, and how much better my performance would have been without me getting in my own way.

For the last year, I’ve had the privilege of supporting incredible clients as their executive coach. The goal isn’t to quit their job or upend their lives like I did. Our partnership empower them to find their own path to feeling a sustainable and genuine sense of accomplishment, energy and ease.

My goal is to be the coach I wish I had during my finance career. A confidante that you can be 100% honest with. A perceptive mirror that can untangle your barrage of thoughts into a few punchy sentences. A guide ready to take your blinders off, open up your perspectives, and co-create the best plan for you. A researcher who has science-based practices to support your growth. A compassionate friend who really hears you and doesn’t judge you. A challenger who will be honest with you and push you if the moment calls. A colleague who has been there and understands that you can’t “just quit” or “just say no”. An accountability buddy. An advocate when you don’t believe in yourself. I am in your corner with unwavering support.

To be clear, I am not above the challenges. I am on my own non-linear journey with an incredible team of a coach, a therapist, and an unconditionally supportive family. But I’ve lived the intense pressure, fear, self-doubt, emptiness, burnout - and have found a way out.

Today, I experience exponentially more moments of contentment and fulfillment. I accomplish double with half the energy. I navigate fear, anxiety, anger and stress more productively. I continue to surprise myself with how I show up with confidence, presence and enthusiasm. I am increasingly at my best to get what I really want.

I am filled with gratitude and the burning desire to serve.

Join me on this journey. Enough with surviving or settling. As the Chinese proverb says, “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”

Let’s thrive together, today.